![]() And that is just a reality of being in a band for a long time. You might at times get sick of those people. Think about if you started your career at 17 years old and then almost 22 years later you are working that same job with the exact same people. And we’re always lovey dovey, and here’s the reality: we are friends, by the way, let me just make that clear. I think that the fan perception is that we’re four best buds that share one big bed together and share pizza together and we just are never apart. I think it was a production before we had money for lights and video screens and all of that fun stuff to do all the work for us. Every single show, I damaged my body terribly. It was almost like performing an exorcism on myself. And I think we were all getting out various forms of pain and aggression through that.Īnd then I continued through Fall Out Boy, when we first started kind of playing and for many years after, when I would just thrash my body around on stage. It was just part and parcel of the scene. It started with hardcore music, because I go to the shows, and the mosh pits - we just call them “the pits” - people just beat the hell out of each other in those things. Yes, I was going to therapy intermittently, but I wasn’t as committed as I am as an adult to my weekly therapy. I didn’t have a significant amount of outlets. And then when I became a father - which was closer to the time that she was diagnosed terminally ill - is when I really understood how hard it must have been for her. And then all the things my father said over the years clicked. But in my 20s, I started to really realize maybe she wasn’t in control. It didn’t mean what happened didn’t happen - those things happened. It wasn’t until I was in my 20s, where I started to feel bad for And I also started to feel that maybe this wasn’t so much her fault, that she wasn’t so in control. ![]() So still too young to really make those connections. I was diagnosed as clinically depressed, honestly, like around 10. ![]() As I got older, I started struggling with my own mental illness, I still did not make the connection. But that context is pretty limited when you’re a child. And I had to try my best to understand that and put it into context. My entire life would try to explain, in the best he could, that she was sick. Kindergarten, maybe first grade - that’s when I started wondering why my mother was not like the nice mothers. I knew there was something wrong when I was pretty young. On navigating his mother’s mental illness They welcomed me in and that kind of became my community more than Winnetka ever was. I just made tons of friends there, even though I was the baby of the group. My parents would allow me at 14-, 15-years-old. But the ones that I did make, were going to shows in Chicago, mainly at the Fireside Bowl, which doesn’t have shows anymore, unfortunately, as far as I know, but that used to be a nice, dingy, dirty, kind of Chicago, CBGBs type of venue and I used to just go down there as much as I could, taking the L. I made a couple of friends here and there. When I got to Winnetka, I wasn’t having a good go of finding connections with other people.
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